Hello reader, reader on my blog. How are you? Today, we are taking a break from reproductive health series. Instead, we are exploring breaks in relationships! The playlist being the relationship and the pause being the break! Any one in the blog excited for that?
If you’ve watched friends,WE WERE ON A BREAK episode, you know that taking a break in a relationship is a no go zone. Why? We had to watch Ross and Rachel unpack a whole load of issues. Is a break just a band aid as Ross thought? Or is it time in which you are not together but you don’t sleep with other people as Rachel thought?
Reader, reader on my blog what say you?
Out of experience, issa strong no to breaks! I don’t believe in breaks. Why? They are temporary solutions for deep issues. Pressing pause to the playlist doesn’t equate to things getting good when you resume the playlist. All you do is delay the unpleasant job of fixing what is wrong.
So yes, yes, and yes ! A break is a band aid for me! Breaks aren’t reboot systems but the beginning of the end! If we are going to take a break, then I will give you the up and we are broken up!
What does it really mean to take a break in a relationship?
A break is a point where you withdraw from engaging in most, if not all activities that you would do normally as a couple. Contact and communication is either cut off or reduced to the barest minimum. It’s a zero clarity zone which makes one hang in the middle of neither in a relationship nor single. Kind off like a mid life crisis! Or a safety net especially with a third person in the picture!
A 2009 study, on-again off-again relationships, among college students found that on-off couples were more likely to report negatively including poor communication and uncertainty. Scarcely, did they report positive feelings including love and understanding from partners than other types of couples.
We should take a break is a euphemism for cut me off but quietly, or a softer way of breaking up. Just because you don’t break up right now, doesn’t mean that it will be easier in future. Taking it in steps doesn’t help the other person adapt to living without you. Instead, it generates false hope preventing the other person from getting over you, hence prolonging the pain. It’s a half assed cowardice move!
Breaks leave the door open for entanglements as there is freedom to entertain others. Naturally, you will start asking yourself questions like are we supposed to be together? Do we have what it takes to get through the stormy times? Do we even have a future?
The bigger picture is : What is going on in the relationship that you feel like you need to need a break?
Has the relationship lost its spark? Has it become boring? Is it filled with too much negative energy? Do you need space for personal time? Are you considering dating other people? Is there a third person in the picture? (There will always be a more attractive person) Do you want more time to focus on career or education? These are just but some of the reasons used as scapegoat.
No matter how sensible or justified your reason is, taking a break is never an option! Suggestion of a break is an indication of a tipping point between saying goodbye and choosing for better or worse. There is never an enough reason to quit a healthy relationship you’ve been building for a while! Any thing can be worked out along side a healthy, meaningful, loving, relationship.
If Barack Obama ruled USA and managed to stay happy with Michelle, despite the constant travels and crazy demands, then you can get through anything without a break!
Want time to yourself? Go to your room and do your own thing. Better still ask for personal space. Had a fight? Vent out to a friend and after cooling down have a productive conversation that will create a future. Need to get better? Better yourself in the relationship or better yourself single. Need more time for studies, career, or sports? Figure out a way together.
Third person? Who said you have to act on it? The key is in who you are willing to choose every other day! Not just a one time encounter that you wanna explore but an everyday person you want to stick with! Need something more from the relationship? Discuss it with your partner or the cycle continues till one of you smartens up and leaves. Going through loss? Let your partner be there for you. After all, it’s in the hard times that we need each other more than ever.
Relationships are never static! They either grow or decay. If it’s decaying, set time for communication, or seek a professional, or trusted friend. Love is adaptive when presented with something new. If it doesn’t work, then maybe it’s time to call it quits for good. If you get back together, you get back together but no breaks!
It all trickles down to commitment. Joy, my friend, says you choose your poison and stick to it. Let’s emulate penguin’s behavior of sticking to their partners for life after copulation.
It’s high time we stopped using breaks as a scapegoat! It’s time to have those uncomfortable deep conversations! Start sorting out issues before they build a wall that you can’t crumble or jump over! After all, who wants to take a break from a great relationship?
Is a break a scapegoat or a reboot system? Reader, reader on my blog what say you?
Shout out to Oyana inspirely for the great convo we had that contributed to this article👏💕